Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Fossilized Gods


Author's Website:   http://majra.org/

Being a god isn't easy. Oh sure, you can crash the super-exclusive club at that hot new pyramid, but one little drought and your worshippers are suddenly burying you neck-deep in scorpions. Samantha never expected to wake from her long sleep. When she came to, mortals were riding around inside big metal cows, shooting invisible info-rays across the sky, and doing amazing things with cake frosting. They took cell phones for granted and thought nothing of a university where Physics stood between Inhumanities and Necro. Now, deep in the great museum, other gods have begun to wake—old gods, terrible gods, gods that would drown the world in suffering. If Samantha can just wake the dead, outwit a huge disembodied brain, and evade the Great Hunter who's after her head, maybe she can do something about it!


"All right, all right, you can stop chanting my name! ... If I got any more gigantic and golden, you'd burst into flames just beholding my divine beauty!  Oh, all right, just a little more chanting - but take precautions, will you?  Something fire-retardant.  Spit on each other, maybe."

I had to start with a quote from this book, and could not, for the life of me, decide on which one.  I think the above gives an adequate idea of the type of humor in the book.  It is absurdist humor at it's best.

Because one quote just doesn't do this story much justice:

"What did orphans taste like, anyway?  I mean, say what you will about witches, but anyone who builds a candy house - and doesn't immediately eat it - must be pretty certain it'll bring them something even tastier."

Sammy is a long dormant... god of sorts.  She had worshippers and was well-known in her time, but after people stopped believing in her, Sammy went dormant for thousands of years.  Fast-forward to present day, and some strange power has brought her back to life, along with three of her friends.

Overall, I loved this story.  Every page was amusing to some degree, whether it brought me a pleasant smile or a hearty belly laugh.  Because of this, deciding on a rating wasn't easy.

Four stars:
There are typos throughout the piece.  Also, being the visual reader that I am, there were way too many times when I didn't know what to imagine.  There were some scenes that were fuzzy or I had to force an image or I just moved on not knowing what was supposed to be there.  Now, these things didn't leave me confused about the overall plot or characters, but it did make the reading just a little less enjoyable.

Five stars:
The fact that I couldn't put it down in the beginning, and the fact that I did just move on when something wasn't clear showed how enjoyable the overall novel was for me.  Who cares if those few things were problematic for a moment if the overall journey was incredibly loved?

I finally went with four stars because, IMHO, the story did go on just a tad too long.  I did find it lolling in the middle.

Once again, just because it's four stars doesn't mean this isn't a highly recommended book in my opinion!  If the quotes fit your humor, please read this!  You won't regret it!

Okay, okay... one more quote.

A character talking about the formula for writing romance.

"It's all arithmetic.  Mister A, a lordly B from time period C, D-ly kisses humble lady E, a mere F, on the G, while firmly swatting her H with a leather I.  You know.  Romance."

Purchase your copy at Amazon.

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